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Clark Gable

The best part of my day at JSH&A:
When someone takes me for a walk at lunch time and there’s a bunch of  slow squirrels to chase. Seriously, it gets no better.

A PR campaign I’ll always remember:
Back in the fifties, I was involved in a campaign designed to get cats and dogs to work together to help pet shelters. A fund raising thing. It was a bi-partisan effort, like that Haiti deal with Bush and Clinton. I was teamed with a young kitten and we did the circuit. I remember we were on the old Jack Parr Show and that’s where I met Jack Benny, another guest. We would become a lifelong friends. That  young kitten, by the way, would grow up to become Morris the Cat. I knew when I met him he had star potential. What a talent! I loved him like a brother. The drinking, the women, we went through a lot together, swear to God we did.

When I’m not at work, you’ll find me:
in the shade somewhere, enjoying a good bone. At my age, it’s the simple things:  a loose collar, a stomach scratch, a night out with my favorite bitch. I’m just like everyone else.

I’ve been raving about my favorite book:
I can’t read, because I’m a dog. But I listen to a lot of books on tape. Jim Kokoris, now he’s my favorite. I tell you, there’s nothing that guy can’t do, nothing. Funny as hell. Even my fleas laugh when I’m listening to one of his books. The guy reminds me of Benny, swear to God. Talent, I know it, and that guy has it. Underappreciated. Probably won’t be appreciated until after he’s dead, like Kurt Cobain or Lincoln. It’s kind of sad, really, now that I think about it, tragic even.

Words to live by:
It’s a dog-eat-dog world. Unfortunately, that’s true. Though, I’ve never actually eaten another dog. What am I, an animal?! Closest I’ve come is a hot dog. But I don’t eat many of those nowadays. My vet keeps yapping about cholesterol. A lot of salads now. I mean, a lot. I miss red meat.

You may not know that:
I was Secretary of Defense in the Nixon administration. First dog ever to hold a cabinet position. I’m proud of that. I’m also proud of my role in the first Godfather. I was Brando’s dog. He was a piece of work, let me tell you. He and Pacino, prima donas, the both of them. Thank God for Jimmy Caan. Made that whole experience bearable.